• Castle of Dragon - 1/1

    Strange title. The game itself plays like the most boring side-scrolling platformer ever created. There doesn’t seem to even be any platforming, you just walk to the right and trade blows with enemies. It reminds me a lot of Kung Fu in play style, except you can’t seem to do anything to prevent yourself from taking damage… Nothing particularly horrible about the game though, it is very playable.

  • Castlequest - 0/1

    Pretty typical puzzle dungeon game. Not sure what else to say… Seemed like a very boring journey.

  • Castlevania - 1/1

    One of the best platformers ever created! This game spawned a massive franchise that will span dozens of consoles and handhelds. Keeping it to the point: awesome music, awesome controls, awesome setting. I pretty much don’t know anyone who didn’t own this game back in the NES days.

  • Castlevania II - 1/1

    The odd-duck of the Castlevania series, this game often gets a bad rap. However it maintains the same music, controls and setting from the original game. The only “mistake” the developers made is innovate a little bit too much by adding towns, a day/night mechanic, and puzzle elements. If done differently, I imagine this game could have been the BEST Castlevania… Unfortunately some bad choices were made, but none of those are evident in the first 5 minutes of gameplay so this game sneaks out with a 1/1.

  • Castlevania III - 1/1

    What happens when you take Castlevania and add three more badass characters? You get Castlevania III. It’s a shame you don’t get to see anything remarkable in the first 5 minutes, but the game offers a ton of variety! You have branching paths which lead to additional characters joining your party. You get a thief that can crawl up walls and hand upside down, a wizard that can collect epic spells, and Alucard himself who fires projectiles as his basic attack and turns into a bat. Pretty much the original X-Men.

Shane and I up to our old tricks: playing video games. Usually we linger in the SNES and MAME library, but I dragged him down into the bowels of NES for a few sessions.

  • Captain Skyhawk - 1/1

    I totally had this confused with Top Gun. The game is decent shoot em up game, except you pilot what can best be described as a water balloon. The controls are very sluggish to say the least. However I think you can get used to them and then I bet this game is very fun.

  • Casino Kid - 1/1

    For a casino game I think this does well. There appears to be some over world which I obviously didn’t explore, but it looked nice. The blackjack simulator was excellent and of course the Martingale system wins again.

  • Casino Kid 2 - 1/1

    I really half-assed the Martingale on this game because I was too busy messing around. This game seems very similar to the last one, but with the drama cranked up to eleven.

  • Castelion - 0/1

    The idea is awesome. A side-scolling platformer going up and around a tower? Love it. I loved it in Ghosts and Goblins, and I loved it in Battletoads. Where those games succeeded, this game fails. Starting with the malicious “fake” block three steps from your initial spawn point, this game does nothing but antagonize.

  • Castle of Deceit - 1/1

    The box art is very misleading, and the game is remarkably mediocre. It has some promise however. You move to the right, and to the left. The controls are decent. The second level looks very different from the first. The boss fight was top down view so there is plenty of variety. I give it a pass. But like Shane said, if you got this for Christmas and your friend got Castlevania… I understand why you are depressed.

First let me say I am very sorry the NES games have no sound. I messed with some setting mid recording and I must have messed up something and the machine audio did not record. It’s very frustrating, specifically in this episode because we pay special attention to the music of Captain Comic… Wont happen again, or your money back!

  • Caltron 6 in 1 - 1/1

    I am still reeling from the pain of playing Action 52 so I certainly didn’t have high hopes for another one of these silly “in 1” carts. What a pleasant surprise! I played two of the games. One was a joust, or balloon fight clone which played fine. The other was a side scrolling shooter and it also looked and played fine. Great variety!

  • Capcom’s Gold Medal Challenge 92 - 0/1

    The graphics are cute. Forgot to add fun though.

  • Captain America and the Avengers - 1/1

    I have seen this game reviews by AVGN and Pat the Punk and I remember them both being pretty negative. Most of the negativity seems to be when you actually try to beat the game. Lot’s of backtracking and annoying deaths etc. For the short time we played it, it seems totally great. You only get to play as two of the four avengers though so the title and box art are pretty misleading.

  • Captain Comic: The Adventure - 1/1

    Solid platformer with excellent music. Sorry you can’t hear it! Not much to say, it speaks for itself.

  • Captain Planet and the Planeteers - 0/1

    This game has been the biggest let down of my entire quest so far. I have only fond memories of the Captain Planet cartoon. This game is a half-assed side scrolling shooter! WHAT?!!?!? I mean I vaguely remember the planenteers in some kind of airplane, but how could you make that the first level? How could you not introduce ANY characters? Horrible game.

  • Burai Fighter - 1/1

    Inventive shooter! You play a little astronaut with a rifle, you can shoot in 8 directions with the ability to lock your bullet trajectory. There are at least three power ups. Unfortunately I was unable to beat the first level. If I had this game as a kid, I can imagine taking it very seriously.

  • Burger Time - 1/1

    Pretty sure this is a classic arcade game and this NES port feels like a solid port. The gameplay is intense and original, and the game is hard as nails. The only issue I have with NES arcade ports is they don’t save your high score after a shut down. What is the point of playing arcade games if you can’t get a score up there?

  • Cabal - 0/1

    I appreciate what the game is trying to do, but the control is impossible! Even after 5 minutes of playing I am still not sure how I throw a grenade. Walking and aiming are controlled by the same input, so if you want to shoot left, you have to walk left. So what happens is you get chased to the left side of the screen by a barrage of bullets, pinned there, totally unable to kill the enemies because if you try to aim at them you run right into their fire! It’s a fail.

  • Caesar’s Palace - 0/1

    Ask yourself “How do you fuck up a casino game?” Well, you create a horrible interface for managing bets and totally remove all of the fun. Consider playing a different casino game. Hopefully the upcoming Casino Kid series will be better.

  • California Games - 0/1

    I remember hating this game as a child. The game is full of 6 mini games, at least two of which are horrible. Judging from my tingling spider sense, I am willing to bet they are all horrible.

  • Bubble Bobble 2 - 0/1

    Some brilliant person at Taito decided that the best thing about Bubble Bobble, two-player mode, wasn’t actually very important to the game’s success. So they went ahead and REMOVED IT. The game has better graphics, better music, and probably better gameplay but no one will ever know because as soon as everyone realizes it’s not co-op they turn it off and put in Bubble Bobble 1. You know what frustrates me the most? Imagining myself as a child, who loves to play Bubble Bobble with his friends, saving up all summer to finally buy the seemingly better sequel. Then I invite my friends over to play it only to realize… Fuck you Taito.

  • Bucky O’Hare - 0/1

    This game has a cult following. Most reviews I have seen call this game good. I am sorry but I can’t agree. There is just so much cheapness in how you die, it’s bullshit.

  • Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout - 1/1

    It’s just another platformer, worse than most others I have played. There is nothing really horrible about it though so I guess it can have a one. If you are a diehard Bugs fan I guess.

  • Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle - 1/1

    Another mediocre Bug Bunny offering. This time it has more of a puzzle feel. Puzzle gameplay is something I never got into in my childhood. I can appreciate a bit more now.

  • Bump’n’Jump - 0/1

    It’s a racing game that has some pretty cute ideas. You jump over gaps and bump other cars into the side of the road. It’s fine, but they forgot to put fun into it.

  • Bram Stoker’s Dracula - 1/1

    It’s a decent platformer with really good animations. The backgrounds could use a bit of interest but I suppose they are going for a creepy nightmare vibe so the drab color scheme makes sense. The first boss was challenging, but didn’t feel unfair. If that trend continues through the whole game this might be a keeper.

  • Break Time: The National Pool Tour - 1/1

    Obviously by todays standards this is a complete yawn festival. But in the Nintendo days, this game would be a pleasure to have. You and your buddies could challenge each other to a game of virtual pool, and as a simulation this is passable.

  • BreakThru - 0/1

    You drive some kind of war tank through a really dangerous road. You have the power to accelerate, break, jump, and fire a cannon. The game showed promise but then midway not the first level I ran into a seemingly impassable barrier. It was a big pile of rubble that killed me if I touched it. I tried to shoot it, jump over it, drive around it. Always death.

  • Bubble Bath Babes - 1/1

    This is one of the rare unlicensed games, sometimes called a “porn game” although it’s pretty far from pornographic. It does have a topless woman at the bottom of the screen washing herself, nipples exposed … Oh sorry, there is gameplay also. Best described as a tetris-style puzzle game, colored bubbled float upward and you need to match the colors to make them pop … or something. Look at the nipples.

  • Bubble Bobble - 1/1

    Me and my friends played the hell out of this when I was a kid. It was an all-night extravaganza during sleep overs. I remember getting to the last boss often with only a handful of extra lives left. The pressure was on, and we rarely won.

  • Bo Jackson Baseball - 0/1

    Sigh… As far as baseball games go I guess there isn’t anything BAD about it. Except for batting felt terrible. Pitching was actually fun. Anyway, baseball sucks, baseball simulators suck more.

  • Bomberman - 0/1

    I am surprised at how HORRIBLE this game is. Bomberman has really come a long way. I am glad they stuck with it because it actually became an awesome series (at least the N64 games rocked). This game though… Ugly, boring, slow.

  • Bomberman II - 1/1

    The improvement from the first to the second is exceptional. Even though it has the same irritating gameplay I commend them for showing such improvement!

  • Bonk’s Adventure - 1/1

    The controls, although responsive, are super awkward. The way he moves when he “head dives” is just weird, and the way spamming the dive button makes you stop diving and spinning… Wtf? However, like all things, you can get used to it and the game has a following. I bet it’s pretty good if you give it a good 30 min.

  • Boulder Dash - 1/1

    Boring puzzle gameplay, but how can I complain? When this game came out in 198X or whatever it was probably pretty original and maybe even fun. The controls are tight, the graphics are pleasant, how can I give it a 0?

Metal Slug is one of the best side scrolling shoot em ups ever made. This is the first game in a long and successful series, which pretty much stays true to this core gameplay through all of it’s iterations. It has coop mode, excellent sprite graphics, awesome music, and a sense of humor about itself. I would compare gameplay to Contra.

There is something specific about Metal Slug that stands out. How fast paced it is, and I think I know why.

I am interested in limited resources in games, special powers, magic and especially ammo. I often find myself analyzing how useful they are, and how the game chooses to limit them. Metal Slug has two limited resources, special ammo and grenades.

I guess it’s also fair to count lives as a limited resource, although there isn’t any decision making when it comes to rationing the resource of life. You simply always try to preserve your life.

You get special weapons from POWs who you rescue throughout the stages. Each special weapon has a predetermined amount of ammo. Other than grenades, you have no alternate weapons. You must use your special weapon ammo constantly because this isn’t really the kind of game in which you ever stop shooting. It is slightly frustrating to “waste” rocket launcher or flame shot rounds on enemies that only take one bullet from your pea-shooter, but you have to do it.

The good news is, Metal Slug is very liberal with special weapons. You probably have one more often than not, using all the different weapons keeps the game fun and varied. Compare this paradigm with a game like Contra. In Contra once you get spread shot, homing missiles, or whatever your favorite weapons is, you AVOID other power ups like the plague. No one wants to get the machine gun on accident when they have spread.

What is more interesting is the grenades. Every time you begin a life you spawn with ten grenades. This is a pretty high number considering the life expectancy of your character is about ninety seconds. Even though they are a limited resource, you are being wasteful if you try to conserve them and end up dying with eight in your pocket.

Even though limited resources usual add tension, in Metal Slug they force you to hit the gas and play it fast. It’s part of the reason this game feels so awesome. You shoot all of them ammo, you pitch all the grenades, you die with everything exhausted. Respawn and run amok all over again.

The scarcity vs abundance dichotomy of this game creates a fast and action-packed burn.

  • Bill and Ted’s Excellent Video Game Adventure - 1/1

    Originally I gave it a 0 because of the totally convoluted gameplay. They give you a phonebook, but all of the phone numbers except one are busy… How are you supposed to know!? Maybe the excessively long cutscene explained? Why not just have a level 1 and call it a day? Anyway, once I got beyond that, the gameplay seemed fine and it had good music. Also, I love Keanu.

  • Bill Elliot’s NASCAR - 0/1

    So boring… I might argue this is even more boring that Pole Position.

  • Bionic Commando - 1/1

    Plenty of unique and badass platforming action to be had. This game is amazing. Awesome music, level selection, tons of guns, metal grappling arm, it has it all! I could beat this game on call as a child. Add it to the pile of Capcom classics boys.

  • Black Bass - 0/1

    This terrible fishing simulator does little to seek the true fishing experience. Might as well be called boredom simulator. Actually, I take that back, the boredom is far from a simulation. Boredom inducer maybe.

  • Blackjack - 1/1

    Not much not to like. The game deals you blackjack hands, and does all of them math and shuffling for you. You can even play with two players, which would actually make this a pretty decent drinking game. I am happy to see my “double the bet after a loss” methodology succeed.

My lovely wife-to-be joins in, just in time for Bible Adventures!

Bible Adventures – 1/1

I have seen many people review this game including Angry Nerd and Pat the Punk. The game seems to get a bad rap, known as a classic bad game. Well it certainly isn’t a good game, but there is nothing too horrible about it. Dare I even say … an innovative platformer?

Bible Buffet – 0/1

First let me just say the game itself doesn’t seem to have ANYTHING “Bible” about it. It’s just some boring board game and I assume the questions sections require you to answer Bible-related questions. I don’t know for sure because I don’t have whatever book they refer to. Unfortunately, even if I had that book this game wouldn’t be fun.

Big Nose Freaks Out – 1/1

I think this is the sequel to Big Nose the Caveman? For some unknown reason in this game you are a caveman riding a skateboard. The good news is, it’s fun!

Big Nose the Caveman – 1/1

It’s a platformer. It isn’t terrible.

Bigfoot – 0/1

It’s a multiplayer monster truck racing game with multiple game modes. I gave it a 0 because it was too hard to figure out. However I think if I spent more than 5 minutes playing it, and figured out the controls, I would probably enjoy it.

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