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I was feeling very sick; too sick to sleep. No friend available, so I had to set out on my own and unfortunately ran into these five games. To be fair they aren’t the worst, god knows none of these are as bad as The Adventure of Tom Sawyer, but they are bad. We also run into our first “B” game. I hope you look forward to many B games to come.

Astyanax – 0/1

I guess this is based on a much better looking 2-player arcade game which might have been pretty good. Unfortunately this port doesn’t do the arcade version justice. The character is huge, and the clumsy controls make it almost impossible not to eat damage. Don’t get me started on the pits… The graphics are pretty awesome though, I enjoy the fleshed out backgrounds. Also the “power” mechanic in the attack is pretty innovative.

Athena – 0/1

Not much too say… It is a terrible platformer with very bad controls. When you get attacked by multiple enemies, I can’t help but imagine them brutally raping the young girl. It is hard to shake.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes – 0/1

Is this some kind of cartoon or comic book? Why are the tomatoes attacking? The controls are very bad and the gameplay is boring. The game is bad.

Aussie Rules Footy – 0/1

I hate sports games, I don’t know how to play rugby. I am only assuming “Aussie Rules Footy” is actually rugby. On the other hand, the graphics are impressive.

Baby Boomer – 0/1

The concept is original. You need to defend a baby from enemies and interact with the environment to make sure the baby has a path to crawl on. Bonus point for letting you cooperate with a friend. Unfortunately they forgot to make it fun.

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Anticipation – 1/1

Anticipation is hilarious and fun. Things are drawn on the screen, and you need to buzz in and guess what they are before anyone else does. Why is it funny? Well, not only because Video Cassette was one of the images, but also because it was in the “science” category. I checked if this is a 4-player compatible game … very unfortunately, it is not.

Arch Rivals Basketbrawl – 0/1

Pretty funny visuals, but the game sucks. Like most sports games though, we can’t be sure if it really sucks, or if I just hate sports games.

Archon – 1/1

Archon is an old computer game, and when I say old I mean 1983. It was ported to nearly every platform in it’s day and it is a popular strategy board game. Imagine chess, but when a piece attempts to take another piece they actually enter an combat arena and players control the action. Winner stays on the spot. Part strategy, part skill.

Arkanoid – 0/1

I guess this game needed some kind of stupid controller to be playable. I find that very VERY stupid since the only controls needed are “left” and “right.” If this game cost even a dime more than any standard NES game because of the perceived “value” of getting some esoteric peripheral then I hoped it bombed badly.

Arkista’s Ring – 1/1

Plays like Zelda but with very clearly defined level progression. The first couple of levels were a boring affair, but I can certainly see the potential. The control was nice, the sound was fine. The game is adequate.

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This is Yury’s last session for the night. Let’s all thank him for coming over and playing 3+ hours of mostly terrible video games with me! At least we finish on a high note.

Alien Syndrome – 1/1

I can’t believe I had never heard about this game! Not only in my childhood but even after that when I started emulating and actively looking for 2-player co-op games. It plays like Smash TV and feels like a great game.

All-Pro Basketball – 0/1

Ahhh sports games. I will eat my tie once we finally get a good one. This game actually does have some cool slam dunk animations which add a fun variety. However the strange cut to switch which side of the court you are playing on is very awkward.

Alpha Mission – 0/1

The gameplay is almost as forgettable as the title. This is just a top-down shooter with bad sound effects and bad music. It is not fun to play.

Amagon – 0/1

What is going on in this game? It is a side-scrolling platformer with an Incredible Hulk vibe … You turn into a big body builder when you get enough points or something, problem is: it’s much better to NOT be the hulk and use the gun.

American Gladiators – 1/1

This is one of my all-time favorite Nintendo games! It tests you on many required gaming skills like: timing, movement, aim, fast alternating button presses. All of that through a variety of mini-games with great music, and fierce 2-player competition!? Top notch. I still go back to this winner regularly.

Air Fortress – 1/1

Starts off as a very boring side scrolling Shoot-em up, but turns into a cool side scrolling platformer with a jetpack! Jetpacks are sweet. If the shuttering sections get better as the game goes on, this might be a very awesome Nintendo game! I suggest you try it out.

AirWolf – 0/1

There are so many different cutscene in this game it ALMOST makes it cool. The problem is the actual gameplay looks and feels so horrible and maybe even glitchy? You saw how I got stuck in the map’s edge in the video… Not sure if I did something wrong or the game glitches.

Al Unser Jr Turbo Racing – 0/1

Boring. Boring uneventful game. Maybe if I was a huge … Nascar fan I wouldn’t like it. Oh is this not Nascar? I don’t give a shit.

Alfred Chicken – 0/1

The name is hilarious. Otherwise it is a pretty typical platformer where you hit switched and avoid enemies. I almost feel bad I gave this a 0 since there nothing “bad” about it. It just isn’t good. I suppose I am spoiled from so many good platformers.

Alien 3 – 0/1

Movies sucks, game sucks. It’s hard to control, you can’t tell what is a background element and what is a foreground element. The enemies come out of nowhere and hit you. It is mostly just very annoying.

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Adventures of Lolo 3 – 1/1

Hey finally they teach us how to play! I guess it’s about time. Still the same gameplay as the previous two games, which I suppose is fine. I am actually surprised I never even heard of this game as a kid. Also why hasn’t there been an iOS remake?

Adventures of Rad Gravity – 0/1

I guess my biggest gripe is how little this game actually has anything to do with gravity… I was expecting some kind of gravity gun, or gravity mechanic. Nope, just a totally generic side scrolling platformer.

Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle – 0/1

Did you watch the video? Have you ever seen a more disgusting game? Actually, scratch that, because you also must have seen the adventures of Tom Sawyer. That looks much more disgusting.

Adventures of Tom Sawyer – 0/1

Did you see the looks on our faces when we saw the game? How could this even see production? I feel so sorry for the poor children who had to suffer through this.

After Burner – 0/1

It’s a pretty sweet arcade game I think, but on NES it is just a seizure-inducing mess. It seems to have all the elements of a good combat flight sim: guns, missiles, barrel rolls etc… But the controls are just too poor and the graphics too ugly. Nintendo wasn’t ready for this port. They should have waited till SNES.

Adventures of Bayou Billy – 0/1

I had this game when I was a kid unfortunately, and I beat it. The interesting thing about this game is it actually has 3 different types of gameplay. The awful beat-em up sections which you saw, driving sections, and first person light gun sections. The light gun sections are the most fun.

Adventures of DinoRiki – 1/1

I had this game when I was a kid as well and I remember loving it. It’s a pretty interesting take on a top down shooter. You play a caveman throwing rocks, boomerangs, fire and more. I remember going “hulk mode” and getting a set of wings eventually.

Adventures of Gilligan’s Island – 0/1

Very unfun adventure game. The walk-slowly-through-quicksand is an especially innovative mechanic. However thought of that idea should win an award.

Adventures of Lolo – 1/1

I know this game has a bit of a cult following. It’s a fine puzzle game and I bet it would feel right at home on a mobile device. There is a pretty annoying lack of tutorial which makes the learning curve awkward. Regardless, good graphics, fine music, nice puzzle game.

Adventures of Lolo 2 – 0/1

It’s nearly identical to the first game. Pretty much an expansion pack. The music and graphics are the same, and there is still no tutorial. Had no choice but to give this a 0. How much do I need to love Lolo to actually buy Lolo 2?

Special treat for every one, my boy Yury shows up for a smooth “Guys in Ties” session. Together, nothing can stop us. He sticks around for a nice series of videos!

AD&D Hillsfar – 0/1

It’s a poorly done RPG. I can appreciate AD&D going for it and making a game to represent their pen and paper gaming world but this was a massive flop. Although slow-motion horse is pretty money.

AD&D Pool of Radiance – 1/1

The got it right this time. The game controls like Dungeon Master or Eye of the Beholder, but has turn-based strategic combat. I obviously didn’t play enough to know much but it seems like a solid NES RPG.

Adventure Island 2 & 3 – 1/1

These two are pretty much the same game. I really enjoy the way they incorporated a “time” mechanic with food and hunger. Love the dinosaurs you ride. Love Mr. Higgins.

Adventures in the Magic Kingdom – 1/1

I love games that are based on mini games. The graphics are good, the music is ok, and the Disney IP has plenty of ground to cover. I bet this is a decent game.

Action 52 – 0/1

There are 52 games and they all get 0/1. Granted I only played like 3 of them, I watch both the Angry Nerd and Pat the Punk play all of the games. This game is all bad.

Addam’s Family – 0/1

Very unremarkable and boring side-scrolling platformer. The music is the best part, but it isn’t enough.

Addam’s Family Pugsley’s Scavenger Hunt 0/1

Terrible platformer with no music. At least TRY for some music, I mean you had the Addam’s Family theme in the first game

AD&D DragonStrike – 1/1

One of the most original games on the NES. It’s an open-world top down shooter with an elevation mechanic, and you control a dragon! You kick everything’s ass from other dragons to pirate ships. Winner.

AD&D Heroes of the Lance – 0/1

Not sure how this game got passed any QA person in the world. It’s totally broken. You can’t even hit the enemies. You certainly cannot dodge their attacks. Unplayable.

There are just so many Nintendo games out there, who has time to play them all? Apparently I do. I decided I am going to play every game in the NES library for 5 minutes at a time. After that I will give them games a rating from 0 to 1. Here is the first batch of videos. Make sure to share it with your friends and subscribe to me on youtube!

1943: The Battle of Midway – 1/1

It’s a cool shooter set in the historical WWII setting. There are weapon upgrades, a sweet loop move, and a ton of exploding airplanes. Can’t complain.

3D WorldRunner – 1/1

I appreciate that Acclaim tried to innovate with a NES game in 3D. The graphics and 3D effects in this game are sweet despite the gameplay being pretty lame. Good enough.

720 – 0/1

Even though I really enjoy games that include a bunch of mini games, this one is simply too disgusting to play.

8 Eyes – 1/1

It sure feels like Castlevania. You get to choose what order you play the levels so even if you get stuck you can still see a bunch of the game. There seems to be a lot to it. Nice variety of music.

Abadox: The Deadly Inner War – 1/1

A side-scrolling shooter with some kind of viral, biomechanics theme. Cool upgrades, and awesome settings. Nothing wrong about it.