The Club Sandwich Problem

A club sandwich is a double decker sandwich turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise on toasted bread. Most everyone has eaten a club sandwich at one time or another. Every Americana restaurant has a club sandwich on the menu. Seems hard not to like, it doesn’t have anything weird on it like thousand island dressing, sauerkraut, black olives, avocado, just the basics. They even seal the deal with bacon.

So here you are, with a pretty and colorful club sandwich on your plate, cut into four triangles. You take one into your hands and look it over, looking for the perfect bite. The bite that will include a little of everything; your mouth waters. You open wide, but the club is too tall. You push your mouth to the limit and open wider than you ever thought possible, you push the sandwich in and bite down.

Something horrible happens. As your teeth press down and connect, the crispy toast is pressed against the roof of your mouth. The rough surface of the bread scrapes you, grinds you up. By the time you are done with the sandwich you feel like you have been chewing barbed wire flavored gum, or insulation flavored cotton candy. Then what? You can’t even enjoy your food for days while your mouth heals.

Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why can’t we just make this on un-toasted bread? Have you ever had a club on un-toasted bread? It’s still good, and without the pain.

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