Techno-Porn Music Videos

Want to know what my two favorite things are? Techno music and beautiful women. Beautiful women that dance for me and entertain me. Lucky for us these two passions of mine sometimes come together in a magnificent work of art like a music video in which women are exploited and objectified. When I run into such a video I always save it, and now I present my collection to you.

Windowlicker – Aphex Twin

I am going to start with Windolicker, and those of you who have never seen it… You are in for a ride. But I think it’s good to put everyone into the right frame of mind to enjoy the rest of these videos. Although it’s hard to call these women beautiful, I think this video is probably making a profound point about objectification. Maybe?

Chica Bomb – Dan Balan

Dan Balan, world’s best dancer knows how to make a video. Make sure not to miss his epic seizure dance at 1:55, I usually watch it 5-7 times in a row. Bonus points for girls sucking on popsicles and dumping water all over themselves to get wet and cool off.

Put your Hands up for Detroit – Fedde Le Grand

Fedde Le Grand puts out some good content clearly, as he makes my list twice. This video takes place in a not-so-desolate future where robot women tirelessly work at a “Fedde Le Grand” factory trying to make the perfect male robot. The key ingredient is to make sure he can be properly “aroused?” Wonderful.

The Creeps – Fedde Le Grand and Camille Jones

Fedde Le Grand doesn’t disappoint in this video as he plays the part of a super rich company head who employs only beautiful submissive women (all of which are wearing stockings – win). Actually I think “50 Shades of Grey” is probably based on this music video (although this video is better written). Bonus points for a woman seductively crawling on the ground while holding letter in her mouth. I wish that is how everything was delivered to me.

Destination Unknown – Alex Gaudino

I have a soft spot for green and pink color schemes. It reminds me of watermelons, and I love watermelons. We have a whole marching-band of foxy girls in green underwear and pink lipstick blowing into saxophones. Nice choreography. Bonus point for a girl licking a saxophone.

Call on Me – Eric Prydz

I remember watching tv shows like this when I was six years old while my mom was cooking or cleaning or something. I loved them even back then. Now that I am a big boy there is nothing better. It’s a real shame most aerobics sessions look nothing like this mostly the women are old, large and ugly, but at least we can dream. Eric Prydz knows what I am talking about.

Satisfaction – Benny Benassi

This is the big daddy of techno-porn. Benny Benassi is a hero of mine, not just because he uses the most aggressive bass, but also because he is king of making videos. My favorite girl is the one drilling at 0:20 seconds. Yeah… lick those lips baby.

Who’s Your Daddy – Benny Benassi

Benny outdoes himself with a music video I would never want my mother to see. It features a set of fictional and satirical porn film DVD covers. Bonus point for two girls simultaneously licking a vanilla ice cream cone.

Pon Da Floor – Major Lazer

You guys know who Eric Wareheim is? He is from Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show Great Job and he is a supremely weird dude. A video like this could only come from him and it’s hard for me to describe. What I can say is it seems to be based on a Jamaican form of “dance” called “daggering.”

Lollipop – Alexandra Stan

The lyrics… I am very confused. “I’m so deleeeeeecious when I lick my lollipop?” Well, I guess it isn’t my concern is it? The best part is easily the wonderful female saxophone player at 1:15. Who would have thought she could be so good at playing?

Easy Love – MSTRKRFT

Video starts off pretty tastefully with conservatively dressed women sucking milkshakes through straws. Then turns into a strange erotic strawberry milkshake innuendo. Ever heard of a pearl necklace? How about a facial? How about water-boarding? It’s all here.

Rock DJ – Robbie Williams

Here is a free bonus. Although it isn’t really about the women, I do think it is making a statement about music videos and how far one needs to go. It also features some very hot cannibal chicks. Yeah watch it till the end, I dare you.