Metal Slug is one of the best side scrolling shoot em ups ever made. This is the first game in a long and successful series, which pretty much stays true to this core gameplay through all of it’s iterations. It has coop mode, excellent sprite graphics, awesome music, and a sense of humor about itself. I would compare gameplay to Contra.

There is something specific about Metal Slug that stands out. How fast paced it is, and I think I know why.

I am interested in limited resources in games, special powers, magic and especially ammo. I often find myself analyzing how useful they are, and how the game chooses to limit them. Metal Slug has two limited resources, special ammo and grenades.

I guess it’s also fair to count lives as a limited resource, although there isn’t any decision making when it comes to rationing the resource of life. You simply always try to preserve your life.

You get special weapons from POWs who you rescue throughout the stages. Each special weapon has a predetermined amount of ammo. Other than grenades, you have no alternate weapons. You must use your special weapon ammo constantly because this isn’t really the kind of game in which you ever stop shooting. It is slightly frustrating to “waste” rocket launcher or flame shot rounds on enemies that only take one bullet from your pea-shooter, but you have to do it.

The good news is, Metal Slug is very liberal with special weapons. You probably have one more often than not, using all the different weapons keeps the game fun and varied. Compare this paradigm with a game like Contra. In Contra once you get spread shot, homing missiles, or whatever your favorite weapons is, you AVOID other power ups like the plague. No one wants to get the machine gun on accident when they have spread.

What is more interesting is the grenades. Every time you begin a life you spawn with ten grenades. This is a pretty high number considering the life expectancy of your character is about ninety seconds. Even though they are a limited resource, you are being wasteful if you try to conserve them and end up dying with eight in your pocket.

Even though limited resources usual add tension, in Metal Slug they force you to hit the gas and play it fast. It’s part of the reason this game feels so awesome. You shoot all of them ammo, you pitch all the grenades, you die with everything exhausted. Respawn and run amok all over again.

The scarcity vs abundance dichotomy of this game creates a fast and action-packed burn.

  • Bill and Ted’s Excellent Video Game Adventure - 1/1

    Originally I gave it a 0 because of the totally convoluted gameplay. They give you a phonebook, but all of the phone numbers except one are busy… How are you supposed to know!? Maybe the excessively long cutscene explained? Why not just have a level 1 and call it a day? Anyway, once I got beyond that, the gameplay seemed fine and it had good music. Also, I love Keanu.

  • Bill Elliot’s NASCAR - 0/1

    So boring… I might argue this is even more boring that Pole Position.

  • Bionic Commando - 1/1

    Plenty of unique and badass platforming action to be had. This game is amazing. Awesome music, level selection, tons of guns, metal grappling arm, it has it all! I could beat this game on call as a child. Add it to the pile of Capcom classics boys.

  • Black Bass - 0/1

    This terrible fishing simulator does little to seek the true fishing experience. Might as well be called boredom simulator. Actually, I take that back, the boredom is far from a simulation. Boredom inducer maybe.

  • Blackjack - 1/1

    Not much not to like. The game deals you blackjack hands, and does all of them math and shuffling for you. You can even play with two players, which would actually make this a pretty decent drinking game. I am happy to see my “double the bet after a loss” methodology succeed.

My lovely wife-to-be joins in, just in time for Bible Adventures!

Bible Adventures – 1/1

I have seen many people review this game including Angry Nerd and Pat the Punk. The game seems to get a bad rap, known as a classic bad game. Well it certainly isn’t a good game, but there is nothing too horrible about it. Dare I even say … an innovative platformer?

Bible Buffet – 0/1

First let me just say the game itself doesn’t seem to have ANYTHING “Bible” about it. It’s just some boring board game and I assume the questions sections require you to answer Bible-related questions. I don’t know for sure because I don’t have whatever book they refer to. Unfortunately, even if I had that book this game wouldn’t be fun.

Big Nose Freaks Out – 1/1

I think this is the sequel to Big Nose the Caveman? For some unknown reason in this game you are a caveman riding a skateboard. The good news is, it’s fun!

Big Nose the Caveman – 1/1

It’s a platformer. It isn’t terrible.

Bigfoot – 0/1

It’s a multiplayer monster truck racing game with multiple game modes. I gave it a 0 because it was too hard to figure out. However I think if I spent more than 5 minutes playing it, and figured out the controls, I would probably enjoy it.

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american-apparel

sexy mannequins
American Apparel
you almost got me

ethernet-knot

hands can’t help themselves
each cord a potential knot
good luck IT guy

glutenberg-bible

Glutenberg Bible
I, alone, appreciate
this hilarity

Battletoads Double Dragon – 1/1

It has all the co-op fun of both Battletoads AND Double Dragon but in one single game. If you think about it, the mixture is pretty confusing. The Double Dragon dudes come from a gritty, realistic world of street crime. The Battletoads come from some kind of weird sci-fi fantasy world were frogs and pigs do battle… Why together? Whatever, the game rocks.

BB Car – 1/1

It’s a simple game, looks like an old arcade port. The premix is pretty neat though. You control a little race car, and your goal is to collect all the flags on the course without crashing into any of the crazy enemy cars. Your car has the ability to poop out little obstacles which temporarily disable enemy cars. The graphics and sound is pretty meh, but the gameplay is solid.

Beauty and the Beast – 0/1

The controls are the big issue here. They are horrible. It feels like there is a 2 second delay after every button press. You Hudson Soft makes a ton of very shitty games. I am going to put them on my radar and keep track. I will admit though, the part in the game when I had to stick close to the candle man so I could see was pretty clever. Couldn’t save the game though.

Bee 52 – 0/1

I guess the rom is glitches… What can I say. Chances are it’s bad.

Beetlejuice – 0/1

A commentor told me I shouldn’t judge games poorly JUST because they are LJN titles. I would argue that I have not! I gave Back to the Future a 1/1 despite that game being almost universally hated. I will play every game for five minutes and be as fair as possible. Being fair… Beetlejuice is a piece of shit.

Best of the Best – 0/1

The concept rocks, but the controls! They are even worse than Beauty and the Beast! Maybe this is the kind of game you need a manual for? I don’t know. I tried my best to figure it out, and just when I thought I was on to something it turns out I wasn’t. I pretty much mashed random buttons for 5 minutes and didn’t have a good time doing it.

 

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emily prepares for dinner

Emily gets dressed
while my mind undresses her
is that irony?
emily's pink pedicure

Korean salon
twenty minutes to explain
this pink pedicure

My friends are still here to tackle a few more games! Even Emily get’s in on the action even though she can’t seem to get into frame 🙁

Batman Return of the Joker – 0/1

Looking back at this game, it actually doesn’t look very bad. I mean it’s a decent action platformer with Batman in it. There are plenty of power ups and the controls aren’t even bad. Well… you can watch the gameplay and judge for yourself. Maybe some nostalgia colored glasses are needed?

Batman – 1/1

Loved this game back when I owned it on NES and I still love it now. Wall jumping has never felt more badass. I also love how you just punch the shit to of dudes with your fists. The music is also some of the best.

Battle Chess – 0/1

I remember having a blast playing this game on my Mac back in the day. The Mac/PC version was MUCH better than this… The concept of this game is actually pretty good. It livens up the standard game of chess with cool and varied animations and gives it a cool phantasy feel. Problem is on NES the absurd slowness of the gameplay ruins any fun or entertainment.

Battle of Olympus – 1/1

It’s a fun action RPG. It plays and feels like Legend of Zelda, and doesn’t have any glaring flaws. I read an in depth review of the game in the first issue of Retro magazine and it actually looks like a great game. I would have been happy to own it in my childhood.

Battleship – 1/1

I fully expected this to be even worse than Battle Chess. Turns out they didn’t only make a fast paced version of Battleship but they even added some innovation in the form of different missile types that target different patters on the grid. Decent.

Battletoads – 1/1

What a classic! Everyone knows this is getting a 1/1 the game is iconic. The game has 2-player co-op, which automatically puts it way ahead of the pack. The gameplay is fun and varied, the music rocks, and the game is hard as nails! Pure classic.

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The Bard’s Tale – 0/1

Some forgettable RPG that has a very clunky control scheme and probably requires a manual. These NES RPGs do not age well. If you need role-playing fix, why would you ever play this?

Barker Bill’s Trick Shooting – 0/1

Requires light gun. Might be a good game but I will never know.

Baseball Simulator 1.000 – 1/1

Baseball Stars – 1/1

Baseball Stars II – 1/1

Bases Loaded 4 – 0/1

What can I say… As far as baseball games go, these are pretty fun. I hate baseball, but I do enjoy the competitive nature of playing with your friends. Bases Loaded 4 is the worst of the bunch, but as long as it’s 2 player it can’t be that bad.

Batman Returns – 0/1

This is like a reverse port of Batman Returns on SNES and I bet you can imagine how that goes. It’s just okay as an SNES game but it’s very boring on NES.

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4.04 Spring Not Found

snowfall during spring

twelve inches of snow
tremendous inconvenience
death throws of winter

snowfall during spring

black leather and chrome
the store: intimidating
I’m happy it’s here

Playing arcade games through an emulator isn’t the same as really playing them. Knowing you only have 15 quarters left in your pocket and every single life counts is a thrill that doesn’t exist when there is an “insert coin” button. That is why I imposed a $5 limit on myself, that is often how much money my parents would give me when they let me loose in an arcade during my childhood.

How deep into the classic Mortal Kombat can I get with only $5? Watch and find out!