OSX Lion First Impressions: It Sucks

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Sad to say Apple really shit the bed on this system. It is a usability nightmare. All the new “features” they added fucking suck.

  • Launch pad is fucking useless
  • Fullscreen apps? Joke
  • Inverted scrolling!? Why the fuck did that need a change?
  • A bunch of my old applications no longer work
  • Installation was anything but smooth

I guess Apple loved the iPad so much they decided to just shove that functionality down everyone’s throat. There is only one problem. Not everyone has a fucking iPad inside thier ass (yet). So not everybody is happy to accept these stupid changes. I have spent 20 years on my computer, now they decide to just change how it work? Fuck you!

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Advertising Fail: T-Mobile Apple Rip Off

T-Mobile’s current campaign with the young pretty girl as myTouch 4G and the trendy guy (maybe a little too metrosexual though) as and iPhone is clearly a rip-off of Apple’s successful campaign with the nerdy PC guy and Justin Long. But just like Microsoft’s horrible “I’m a PC (and I am proud)” campaign, this one totally misses the point.

Nobody cares about the service. All the phone companies either suck equally, or are just fine equally. Keep your ears open, you will hear people say “I hate Verizon, I hate ATT, I hate T-Mobile.” They are the same! They are all mostly fine, offer practically the same service. The difference is clear, iPhone is better. People aren’t RUSHING to Verizon because they love Verizon’s 3G, they are rushing to Verizon because that’s where the iPhone lives. If myTouch wants to be better than iPhone then they probably should market something about them that is BETTER than iPhone. Not smoke and mirrors about having better service, or nationwide coverage. Who falls for this shit?

Girls Gone Wild

I watched my 40,000th Girls Gone Wild commercial on Comedy Central when it finally occurred to me. Girls Gone Wild has been around for over 10 years. I remember those commercials playing when I was in high school. Probably even before that! I always hated them. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against women being objectified, or exploited. When the girls are saying stuff on camera like “Hi mom!” and “I really hope I get on Girls Gone Wild WOOOOOOOO!!!” can you really feel bad?

Here is what I hate, and don’t understand. This Girls Gone Wild company is making a KILLING! They have been running commercials from 10pm-2am on MTV and Comedy Central for years. Although 12-2 is a cheap time, 10-12 on comedy central and MTV is not cheap ad space. Now if I toss a pretty high estimate out and say this company spends 20% of it’s gross on advertising… well they are making QUITE a bit of money to be constantly running so much advertising.

How? Why?

They sell DVDs of strip teases. Rarely, there is some girl-on-girl play. But for the most part it’s just girls flashing the camera on the street and screaming. If I am going to spend money on a boner-inducing DVD then I don’t see how I can justify spending money on anything less than real pornography. Girls Gone Wild isn’t really even cheaper then porn but in the realm of porn it’s practically rated PG. So who is buying this? What is the target audience? Men who want to see girls girls get weird, but not too weird?

Which brings me to the next piece of this puzzle. The internet. Are there still people out there who can’t efficiently find pornography on the internet? I can find more hardcore porn than Girls Gone Wild while doing legitimate research about the culture of Madagascar via Google, yet people are spending money on it? The “demo” or “preview” of most paying porn sites contain more action than the average GGW DVD, and there are still plenty of FREE sites anyway. Who is buying this!? People who have never even attempted to Google “boobies?.”

How is this product surviving in today’s world?

Marketing Fail: Sun Chips

What idea are they going for? Maybe I am the one that missed the boat but does anyone actually take “bag decomposition” into consideration when buying chips? When buying any food product? When did this become a selling point? Answer: it NEVER DID.

What kind of a person throws the bag on the ground anyway? Not the kind of person who cares about how fast a plastic bag decomposes. Those people would never throw a bag on the ground. Those “super green people” are probably too busy being vegan to even eat chips. It must be for the degenerate kids who throw fast food bags out of the window of their cars while flirting with disaster speeding. After all at least now they can have all the fun of littering with none of the negative consequences.

“Dude Joe, don’t throw that bag out the window, a turtle could get stuck in it and die.”
“Don’t worry brah, Sunchip bags are built to decompose quickly and naturally. The turtles will be safe. Now finish your beer, we have some vandalism to do.”

What’s the matter? Can’t advertise superior flavor? Can’t advertise loud crunch? Can’t advertise low price-point? Well… Maybe it’s about time this product HIT THE BRICKS.